every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
