dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
