Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize