I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize