Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
