quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
