I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
