So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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