party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
