So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
