my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
