I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
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