Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
