he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
