Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
