the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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