Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
