forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
