I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
