the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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