Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
