This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
