i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
