I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
