I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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