Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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