:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
