So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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