I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
