Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize