he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
