Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
