If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
