I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
