4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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