in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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