i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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