Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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