he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
