I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize