how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
