i will never coherently bang her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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