idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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