Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
