you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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