i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
