Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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