Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize