Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
