I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
