uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize