so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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