What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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