Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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