A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
