drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
you had me at cake vodka
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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