Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
