Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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