Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
