Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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