What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize