Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
