how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
