i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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